Looking Back....an Artsy Memoir

Creating a memoir with Textiles, Paper and Old Hardware

One day last week I wanted to do something different. I found this old framed piece of store bought art that I used as my technique/experiment board. It was kind of calling out to be transformed. At this point, I didn't have a clue as to what my goal was, but just wanted to experiment a bit. I thought it would be fun to put some different mediums on this one, like material, paper, some paint....then my mind started reeling and I rummaged through my box of goodies and found some old keys, hardware to an old Singer sewing machine and a sawed off end of this broken down crate I found on the side of the road one day. Now we're talking!! I thought, "Jen, let's put all this wonderfulness on this 'Masterpiece in the making'!!" (I like to speak things into existence) lol. So I got to work: cutting up an old dress of my daughters, measuring, painting a bit, gluing, but no waxing on this one, since I didn't want to dull the vibrancy of the beautiful colors. This piece forming it's theme, and as I worked on it, thoughts of my grandparents overwhelmed me. "Looking Back" had become a memoir of them. This is what it finally ended up to be, and I really love it!!

Here is a close-up of the "side of the road" wooden crate piece (bottom left of the photo) and one of the two keys. I left parts of the original "practice board" showing, like the pictures of the beach and tree scene. The tally marks are all part of the meaning of this piece. I wanted to pull out parts of my past...of my Grandpa Tord, who was a school teacher, and my Grandma Florence, who sewed and also created things as well.

Here's one more close up, showing the Singer hardware, which has numbers on each "hook part", tying in with the tally marks, and also the other side of the beach scene. I grew up with my grandparents on the Great South Bay on Long Island, so leaving these photos, embodies my upbringing. My Grandparents have been gone for many years now, so this piece is a touching reminder of the blessing they were, giving me love and a beautiful life, as a little girl.

This piece is called "Looking Back"

and is in memory of my Mor Far and Mor Mor

(Swedish for mother's father and mother's mother)

I quit.

One of my biggest frustrations in being an artist is having my work come out what I envision it to be, and the process of actually knowing how get my work the way I want it. This frustration almost made me throw in the towel these past few months. My husband Dean is always so encouraging and tells me to "just have fun and paint like no one is going to see it, let alone try and sell it." Well, nice, but way easier said than done. I see wonderful works of art and know what kind of artist I want to be, but for my work to actually come out like I see it in my head...well, this is where I almost wanted to quit with this piece.

This painting, "Sweet Freedom" is the result of all that mess. It certainly didn't start out and end the way you see it now. Oh my...it was a pretty mess for sure. I painted on it some, put it away. Tried some other things, hated it, then put it away backwards as to not see that ugly, so called "art". But, I really didn't want this to get the best of me. So after months of this never ending game, this is it, finished. I call it "Sweet Freedom" for it's significance in personal areas of my life, and also for the freedom that it brought me as an artist. I learned to just do something, anything. Who cared if anyone was going to see it. I painted and didn't think, I just did. I was let out of a cage that had bound me, in my being, and in being an artist. I wanted to soar...I wanted my brushes, rollers, thrown on wax, spray paint cans and even raw materials, to show the freedom I was beginning to attain in my heart. I believe this piece does just that.

So, here's the story, via some embarrassing pictures, how it all began. After making my 24x24 frame, I put down a lot of bright colors, trying to get away from my earthy tones I always rely in. I kind of liked the all the different colors, but in no ways was I happy with this.

So from that state, I covered it up with more paint, HA! going back to those dull colors (but ones I love) leaving a few areas taped off to let some of that previous color show through. Then I sanded the heck out of it.

Now I throw on some bees wax, scrap a lot, cry, put on some more paint. Oh MAN!!! Well, this was turning into a compete disaster, and where I wanted to get out the gasoline and torch the thing. I couldn't even call it art at this point. Just lead me to the fire pit out back.

OK, so now I'm at the point of seriously doubting myself, my talents, and 'what the heck am I doing?!?' kept resounding in my hears. I'm even embarrassed to post these pictures. But, it's a reminder to myself that with persistence, turning a deaf ear to those lying voice that were constantly yelling in my head, and wanting so badly to have 'some beauty come out of ashes', I tried what my husband kept telling me, "Just have fun".

Ahhhh....I love the way "Sweet Freedom" came out, and certainly glad I didn't quit. I hope you like it too and can relate it to some crazy moments in your life that have brought you freedom when you wanted to just give up. So....Enjoy!! (and if you do enjoy it a whole lot, it is for sale!! It's a 24x24 on a handmade, wood-raised panel (which I made with my own two hands and a lot of sweat, and is $250)

In trying to get out of the box, and

just do what I want to do, this is a

close-up of some burlap and wire I

added to the bottom of the piece. I

really am glad I did. Just different,

and just because I can!